The System is Abstract, Luckily, So Am I

Chapter 210 : Civil Affairs Bureau Ming Guang

"Xiao Bo, you can't do that. You have to call them Brother Bufan and Brother Lin Li." The child's mother laughed for a while before realizing it and quickly scolded her child.

"Oh, oh, Brother Bufan, Brother Lin Li."

*Very good, the child is very sensible and obedient.*

*But it would be even better if he wasn't looking at those two dogs when he called out, but at Lin Li and Bai Bufan instead.*

*Speaking of which, was he calling them 'brother' (ge ge) or 'doggy' (gou gou)?*

Seeing this scene, the child's mother found it both exasperating and funny. She seemed a bit embarrassed, nodded apologetically to the two of them, and hurried away with her child.

"I feel like we can start preparing to train a smurf account early, while the sunk cost isn't too high yet," Doggy Lin Li sighed as he watched the departing mother and son.

*(Translator's Note: "Smurf account" refers to having another child).*

"Indeed," Doggy Bufan nodded.

The two rarely reached an agreement.

"Woof woof." Perhaps realizing that Lin Li's sausage was a scam, the rural dog codenamed Bufan wagged its tail at the fence closest to Lin Li and barked twice.

"Why does this dog's bark sound like that? So weird," Lin Li frowned, looking very confused.

Bai Bufan pretended not to hear.

"Isn't that how dogs bark? How else would they bark?" Ding Sihan, who was petting a dog, turned her head in confusion upon hearing this.

Lin Li: "Isn't that how dogs bark? How else would they bark?"

Bai Bufan sighed.

*Still inexperienced, Ding Sihan.*

"Why are you copying what I say—Eh? Lin Li!!!" Ding Sihan was halfway through her confusion when she suddenly realized what bad trick Lin Li was playing. Clenching her fists, she charged towards Lin Li.

Chen Yuying once again became an excellent pillar, and Lin Li and Ding Sihan started playing ring-around-the-rosy around her.

Chen Yuying crossed her arms and sighed, used to it by now.

"Just kidding, just kidding, but the dogs I'm familiar with really don't bark like that." Dodging left and right while holding Chen Yuying's shoulders, Lin Li tried to protect his life and said.

"Tell me! But if you dare to copy me again, you're dead!"

Ding Sihan narrowed her eyes and reached into her crossbody bag, seemingly looking for a murder weapon.

"You there? Good morning. Good night. What are you doing? Reply to my message. Go home early. What does your boyfriend like for breakfast, I'll bring him a portion too..." Lin Li immediately tapped the palm of his other hand with his index finger, listing them off like family treasures.

*(Translator's Note: Examples of "licking dog" / simp behavior).*

Ding Sihan: "..."

*Can't argue with that, that is indeed a dog.*

"I'll spare you this once."

So Lin Li survived.

"This dog you're talking about, do I know him too?" Bai Bufan came over with a smile upon hearing this. "Is his name Chen something Ming?"

"Probably not, I remember his name was something Tian something," Lin Li shook his head.

The two exchanged a knowing smile.

"But, Lin Li, tell me, to these animals, are we humans also a kind of tentacle monster? We have unusually flexible limbs. Across a huge biological generation gap, some of us are very dangerous, but some are very kind. Our wonderful petting methods make them feel joy, and some individuals even 'beep beep' with them. If this isn't a tentacle monster, what is?"

Bai Bufan looked at the custom dogs showing their bellies to be petted, pondered for a moment, and said.

Lin Li: "..."

*The last sentence was the finishing touch. That group of Indians really should eat cow dung until they die.*

*Humanity's reputation is ruined because of them.*

They didn't spend too much time here. After all, the identity of a dog was too sensitive, and Bai Bufan and Lin Li didn't want to hurt each other anymore.

"Setting aside the insulting nature, being a dog is pretty good. Carefree, even pooping in a designated spot gets you praised as a good boy. Envious," Bai Bufan said as they left.

Lin Li: "I can't set it aside, good luck to you."

Bai Bufan: "..."

*You motherfucker.*

After simply washing their hands at the nearby sink, the five continued their tour.

Although this zoo wasn't very luxurious, it still had the most basic animal species.

"The deer here are a bit shy. They avoid people when they see them. The deer in Nara are all hooligans. If they smell deer crackers in your bag, they'll bite your backpack open."

When they reached the deer area and saw the deer gathering in the enclosure avoiding people, Chen Yuying sighed.

"Class Rep, have you been to Nara? The one in Japan?" Lin Li asked curiously upon hearing this.

*Deer are good, I should learn from deer. I like deer.*

"Yeah, the summer after I graduated from elementary school, my family took me there to play. The scenery at Mount Wakakusa over there is pretty good, but maybe because it was a holiday, all I heard was Chinese. I thought I hadn't even left the country,"

Chen Yuying joked with a smile.

"Damn it, damn it, this world is a giant Swiss roll. Some people get Switzerland, and some people get the Rural Credit Cooperative. I haven't even been abroad yet," Lin Li shook his head and joked upon hearing this.

Let alone going abroad, Lin Li had only ever hit airplanes (masturbated), never actually flown in one.

"Oi! Brat! The rest got the roll, not the Rural Credit Cooperative. Apologize to the Credit Cooperative right now!" Bai Bufan started with zero frames of startup animation, grabbed Lin Li's collar, and roughly lifted him up.

"Sorry, Lord Spokesperson of the Credit Cooperative," Lin Li smiled and yielded.

Then he saw Bai Bufan start slapping his own pocket.

"What are you doing?" Lin Li asked curiously.

"But I feel the same way you do. This is my wallet, and I'm slapping it, trying to make it swell up," Bai Bufan said seriously.

"Let me do it, let me do it, let me do it," Lin Li's eyes lit up. "I guarantee I'll make it swell so much it can't swell anymore."

"Forget it, forget it, forget it," Bai Bufan didn't want to walk with a limp.

Bai Bufan sighed: "Alas! I haven't been abroad either. What's wrong with having one more rich person in this world? Can someone just inexplicably give me some money?"

Chen Yuying, who had just been smiling and listening to their conversation, suddenly noticed Lin Li's intense gaze.

She didn't understand at first, but seeing him winking and making faces, after being confused for a while, she finally understood what Lin Li meant.

She hesitated a bit, but still walked up to Bai Bufan and threw a one-yuan coin at him.

Bai Bufan: "?"

"The line, Class Rep, say the line," Lin Li urged from the side.

"C-clean yourself up," Chen Yuying said, not very practiced.

Bai Bufan: "???"

*What?*

He bent down to pick up the one-yuan coin, put it in his pocket, scratched his head, and muttered: "Strange, isn't this the money Ding Sihan asked me for yesterday? Didn't she say she was going to throw it at Lin Li? How did it circulate into your hands, Class Rep?"

Passing the deer area was the place where tigers were kept. A line of tourists was queuing up.

Looking at the introduction, it turned out you could take photos with the tigers, and children could even sit on them.

"Let's go take a look." Seeing that a few people looked interested, Lin Li spoke up for everyone.

Lin Li had a photo of himself sitting on a tiger when he was a kid at home, but he completely forgot when it was taken.

"What if the tiger suddenly turns its head and eats someone?" Bai Bufan asked, having nothing to do.

"Throw a one-yuan coin at it and tell it to clean itself up. Blood and body parts can't be left behind, to prevent affecting the next person taking a photo." Lin Li gave the standard answer instantly.

"This one-yuan coin is really wasted on me. I'd better give it to you."

Bai Bufan threw the coin back at Lin Li's face, and Lin Li caught it steadily.

"For the sake of this one yuan, I'll tell you a method: kneel down and acknowledge it as your father, because a vicious tiger will not eat its cubs," Lin Li said.

"That actually makes sense," Bai Bufan suddenly realized.

"Unfortunately, this method won't work for you," Lin Li added.

"Why?"

"Because a tiger father does not beget a dog son. You have an innate species disadvantage." Lin Li finally finished unrolling the map of Yan and smilingly pulled out the dagger.

*(Translator's Note: A reference to Jing Ke's assassination attempt on Qin Shi Huang, meaning his true intentions were finally revealed).*

Bai Bufan: "?"

"I'll fuck your [beep]!"

In front of the five of them was a family of three. The child was very young and would look back when held in arms. The three girls were teasing the child there. The parents didn't mind when they noticed and even greeted the girls.

Soon it was this family's turn to queue.

"Such well-behaved children are so nice. It makes me feel like getting married isn't a bad thing after all." After the child left, Ding Sihan seemed to still be reminiscing about the feeling of pinching the child's cheeks and sighed. "Unfortunately, most children aren't like this."

Most children only make people despair.

Although there might be people present who were the kind of children that made others despair when they were young, people are always double-standard.

Just thinking about his child being like Bai Bufan made Lin Li want to die.

If the child was like himself, that would be fine, he just wouldn't want to live.

Thinking about it this way, Sister Min was great, no words needed.

However.

"Setting aside children, getting married isn't a bad thing to begin with. There are too many benefits.

"For example, at that time, the two of you will definitely be living together. When you order Pinhaofan (a group-buying food delivery service), you won't even need to wait, the group order will be successful immediately. Wow, just thinking about it makes me feel so good I could fly."

Lin Li closed his eyes. It was fantasy time now.

Even at three or four in the morning, you could directly group order!

No need to look at other people's faces!

*Awesome!*

Hearing this, Bai Bufan also closed his eyes. He felt awesome too.

Ding Sihan: "..."

*You motherfuckers.*

"Lin Li, now that you mention it, there's actually no need to set aside children. After all, if you have a child, you can directly use them to register a new user account," Bai Bufan was very good at drawing inferences.

"Hiss, that actually makes sense. A new user is indeed very valuable," Lin Li learned something new.

"Awesome!"

"Awesome!"

"What exactly is awesome about this! Even if you got the Rural Credit Cooperative instead of Switzerland, it shouldn't be to this extent!! Poor people are not allowed to write wish-fulfillment novels! I can't take it anymore! Shut up!" Qu Wanqiu couldn't stand these two guys anymore.

Bai Bufan was also a coward. When Qu Wanqiu mentioned the Credit Cooperative, he didn't grab her collar.

"Thank you guys. You instantly made me feel like getting married is all bad. Just listening to your descriptions makes me feel like this life is a bit too bitter." Ding Sihan covered her forehead. These two people had too much life experience.

After the family of three finished taking their photos, it was the five of them's turn.

"Hello, may I ask why that tiger is locked up there alone?" While taking photos, Lin Li noticed an isolated tiger in the tiger enclosure that occasionally whimpered, so he asked curiously.

"Oh, that tiger is in heat, but its current condition is not suitable for breeding, so it was isolated. It's not abuse," the staff member immediately explained upon hearing this.

If they didn't explain, and a short video was posted later, the zoo would be scolded terribly.

"I see," Lin Li nodded.

While taking photos, Lin Li advised Bai Bufan to put his neck in the tiger's mouth, saying it would look more artistic, but was ruthlessly rejected.

And Lin Li himself proved through practice that a tiger's butt can be touched.

But the balls definitely cannot be touched.

Lin Li asked personally. Actually, the tiger didn't refuse, the zookeeper refused for it.

*Tiger good, zookeeper bad.*

...

"This zoo is so trashy," Lin Li shook his head speechlessly.

Chen Yuying glared at Lin Li with amusement: "You have to find the scalpers (huang niu) outside the zoo."

*(Translator's Note: "Huang niu" literally means yellow cow, but is slang for scalper).*

This guy Lin Li had just been talking to a yellow cow, saying, "Do you have front-row tickets for Lin Li's concert?" The yellow cow just looked at Lin Li and slowly ate grass, so he came to this conclusion.

The zoo was too wronged.

Following the zoo's planned route, in front of everyone now was a shop selling zoo souvenirs, as well as some food and drinks.

The zoo was indeed not big. This shop was in the center of the zoo, meaning they had already toured half of it in an hour, and that was with everyone playing around and walking slowly.

No wonder there weren't many people even during the National Day holiday.

The few of them walked into the shop. *Damn it, the AC isn't even on.*

The girls picked out a few keychains as souvenirs and went to the front desk to pay.

"Bro, is that thing for sale? It's so cool." When they got to the front desk, Lin Li and Bai Bufan's eyes lit up because there were actually mecha-form animals in the display cabinet, and they seemed to be transformable.

It reminded Lin Li of Poisonous Snake Green Pepper, the most overpowered existence in "Steel Mecha Kakalong." While others were still doing their pre-cast animations, it just twisted its head and super transformed. Kneeling down was the ultimate zodiac transformation. You couldn't even sneak attack it. It was the existence that required the most skill.

Poisonous Snake Green Pepper turning its head wasn't out of fear, but to level up; kneeling down wasn't admitting a mistake, but for the ultimate zodiac transformation.

"Yes, it's for sale. This one is 400," the salesperson glanced at it and nodded.

"Holy fuck? How much?!" Lin Li and Bai Bufan's accents came out in shock.

Bai Bufan gasped, then pointed to another one and asked: "What about this one?"

"Two holy fucks."

Bai, Lin: "..."

*(End of Chapter)*